u're disgusting when u're male, above 30, kiss & tell and worst of all, u make feminine descriptive remarks of the whole lovey dovey event of urs. eeewwww....corny. crappy. cheeeessssyyyy....whoops! :)

finally it sinks in me. i am moving on. not sure where im leading to. not sure of my future. but yes, i've decided enough is enough. it was definitely a great experience to be there. i've learnt a lot. but at the same time, its getting worse. the internal. the residents. everything. im kinda glad im leaving. but i'll nvr ever forget those gd friends dat i make while im there. its precious time.

so i went thru the 1st part of the leave. during the farewell speech, before i could even talk, some of the gfs cried. suddenly, u could see everyone else hugging me & start crying. damn. i was holding on my tears & they cry?! so, i cry too. cant help it. i was thinking, i didnt even cry for my own wedding leh! lol. thank u all for celebrating my departure. im definitely sad leaving the pl. the lil gfs talk. the pornstars. im missing the girls already.

i wonder how i'll react if i see the bfs then. dats gonna be tougher coz we spent yrs working together. they bitching with me. they taking care of me. shit. boys, if i cry, dont laugh ok!

i believe this is a gd start of the yr. hopefully many more happy news for me in future, insyaAllah. amin.

Syawal is over so more weddings coming up again. just attended one. it was my friend's sis wedding. the decor was almost similar to mine. hers was pink & black. i decided to wait to see the newlyweds & when the groom came, i teared. i dont know y. darl saw it & hug me.

i quickly dried my tears & smiled. it was tears of joy. somehow, i recalled my own wedding. i cant believe i didnt cry on my day but always cry for others. i was so happy for her. im always happy for others joy.

but sadly, there are some who think i will not be happy for their happy news. its hurting.

before i left, i bid my friend gdbye. like she noes i need it, she gave me a tight hug with 'take care eh gal'. yeah, i will.

Him: so u still want it?

me: yes

him: u can think it over & tell me later

me: no. im quite sure of what i want. i really want it. (face very confident. eye to eye talk)

him: (disbelieve)

ya, i noe wat i want. im pretty sure abt it. waiting for it to happen. for nw, i'll let Fate decide. I shall pray & wait...Im sure everything happens for a gd reason.

we were younger then. great company. strong bonding. happy go lucky.

now, all that's left are the gd memories with each other. disbanded.

im not sure the next thing that im goin to mention makes sense coz im having a high temp dat makes my head feels like bursting.

i think i had enuff of this nonsense friends-thingy. to me friends are ppl i know generally eg colleagues, sch friends.... while best friend is someone who is always there when u need them, a gd listening post, share everything gd & bad together, calls/ msg each other every now & then.... advanced technology such as facebook has made it easier to interact but i think the basic courtesy to respect someone u care (best friend) is to call/ msg them any impt updates.

i believe in all relationships, we dont need to wait for the other to ask for forgiveness or to make things better or to start a conversation. if u treasure that relationship, u'll do ur part. for them to reciprocate, its up to them. at least u've done ur part.

so the basic rule as a friend is not to do things that u noe u're friend will not like. to put 2 ppl who at loggerheads with each other wont make it better for everyone. in the end, u end up being unhappy urself.

i've always wish that i could spend that private time with him & trash everything out to make the place a better place, to restart on our great friendship we once shared. but when it does happen, i think the environment doesnt permits me to talk. the condition i am in doesnt allow me too. at the end of the day, i guessed its all better left unsaid. its probably the best thing to do for us. deep inside, by the end of the day, i think we noe that this is it. its never gonna be better. this is the best for now.

thank gdness, there are still some left who know what real friendship is all abt. thx friends for givng me that friendship. maybe in my conversation to u, i might have offended u coz im sure u noe im honest in my friendships. i dont mean any harm. if u're unhappy, u can always say it out to me. u dont need to hide & think that ur anger with me will go away with time. or trying to get back to me by doing watever to hurt my feelings.

yes im sorry to all.

*psst barbie: thx for the long talk. finally we open up abt our grudges with each other back then. im happy we made it up. im glad u remember how we hugged after losing touch with each other for yrs. love u beb...

Congrats to the new mummies - Adz, Emily & Daphne who gave birth to their lil ones btw Jun-July. So happy to see them embark the life of a mum. i recalled the times when we were young then. hek. that make me realise how much we've grown & grown well into adulthood & to u, motherhood. its a nice feeling, isnt it? yeah, im still smiling thinking of how motherhood will change u ladies...heee..hope the lil ones are not as NAUGHTY as the mothers used to be. hahah...

when there is gd news, there will be bad news too. am sad to know some of the other mummies i noe is not happy being a wife. they are towards motherhood though. holding on to the relationship for the sake of the child. haizzz...cant there be a better solution? i hope those mummies can rekindled their romance with the hubs. i wanna c ur happy family. i cant help but feeling sad for u too...

ok yeah i noe im easily affected by the good & bad news. mmm...change topic.

thx Barbie for the enjoyable long talk that day. just the 2 of us. cant remember when was the last time we had that kinda great conversation over creamy, fattening chocolate cake! hahhaha... u made me feel better. thx darling. yes, i need u as my friend. forever :)

Oh just great. just when my leave is starting. just 2 days before i go for my desired 2nd honeymoon to Mid East. and i have to be down with flu & cough.

am so weak. wanna just sleep. pity darl. he's so excited for this trip & i can only look at him with a tissue stuck in my nose! hopefully when i reached there, i will forget my sickness & be well. but then again, i hope i wont be stopped for H1N1 suspect. damn.

Allah, pls help me recover!!

Who dare to be on that big stage with big name like KISS and blend with them? Who can wear the platform shoes or elvis presley tight pants??

yes. its definitely Adam Lambert for me. his performance with KISS & the Queen made me speechless. i smiled. truly. after series of bad encounters past few weeks. He's the man. he's the performer. i dont care if he's gay (tell me its just a rumour ok!). but he deserved to win.

but then again, as i told Wee2, he can only shout at his best. kris is the nice guy with 'normal' voice. im sure the lil girls will go gaga over such cute lil guy. deep inside my heart, i know kris will win.

and so, my instinct came true. kris won. but so what? i love adam lambert. he has my vote. always. forever.

nwae, the performance david cook did was brilliant. i voted for him too last yr. but to me, no one beats adam lambert :) rite nad?? hek.

The one u cared for/ treasured most will hurt u the deepest.

its true. believe it.

she's a 60yr old woman who live in the west of sg. went for her routine check-up at central of sg. after the check-up, her sickness caught up with her. she felt weak. so she lie down at the bus stop for a while. she couldnt stop her bowels. she shit & pee in her pants. still, she lie on the same spot.

help came & she ask to hail a cab for her. she needs to go home. called the hubby. he said not to send her to hospital. he cant walk. he cant visit her later. their only child is in the states. but she obviously needs help.

help called an ambulance. as she was led away, she looked at help. with full of hope. sympathy. sadness.

help knows what she was thinking abt. she needs the help badly. but she cant leave her hubby. coz she knows the hubby needs her too.

moral of the story. called up for help when u need one.

lets start with the storm. did any of u see the storm last nite?? i tink its one of the worse ever! it was 11.35pm when i just stepped out from the car & was looking up the sky. it was reddish. wah, its gonna rain soon, i said.

suddenly at 11.40pm, there was strong wind followed by 'piang tung piang'. i was still in the open. i turned & looked ard me. things were flying ard. the BIG trees were swaying aggressively. shit, i thought. den suddenly, i saw the pasar mlm tentage came crashing down.

i rushed to see if anyone was injured. thank Allah. none. things were still flying ard. ppl are running for shelter. some guys were asking me to take shelter too. vehicles were moving away. bikes fall from their stand. it was so surreal. feel like a show in 'Tornado'. my hair was messed up. sand got into my eyes. it was a crazy 5mins or so and it started to rain.

den things got back to normal & there were a lot of leaves & fallen tree branches everywhere. it was like the movie. serious!! i was amazed. but by 9am when i went back to the open, almost everything was cleared off the road. the tentage was re-set up.

so is the tsunami on 22july as circulated gonna be real? i hope not. coz its BAD! Allah pls save all of us from the that catastrophe. amin.

i was at KKH. babies were crying in pain. moms, dads, grandmas, grandads were all sulking. i noe how they feel. it reminded me of my late sis. i was there throughout her pain & stay in hospital. she can call the hospital her home coz she's almost there most of her short life. its sad. i hope i will not face the situation again. i cant bear too. i nearly cried. i made my trip short to forget the past. if not, i think i'll started crying.

to daph, thx girl for cheering me up almost immediately. u're my un-emo fren ever la! hee..

Waited. but i guessed this is how u want it. left with no choice. didnt want it to blow up. dont understand how u term it as. how u want it to be. so i'll just decide to go the way u want it to be. praying that u'll eventually remember it. u know how to reach me.

truly upsetting.

Aku mengaku kau bukan yang pertama. tapi aku janji kau lah yang terakhir. aku sayang kau. aku cinta kau.

-Rosyam Nor in Rozana-

ok now u have to read it again & imagine the way rosyam nor will do. mesti cair punya!! tol tak barbie? hahahha

just received a msg dat my once-my roommate has just given birth to a healthy 3.8kg baby boy!!! congrats beb...i'll be expecting many poppers this yr i suppose coz since 2009 started, this is my 6th gd news i received!!

went to the market today & i saw 2 ex-colleagues (malay, single, in their mid-20s) following their respective mothers around!!! isnt that sweet.... of course we were shocked to see each other esp them. i love to see men walking ard the market with their moms esp. so manly! ...hahhahah

ok, im goin sot. havent slept since 4am to prepare stuffs for darl. got to work at nite. my mind's not rite. talk to me slowly k...

new life.

no updates.

no replies.

no calls.

forget the old.

we've been together for the past 6 yrs. y we were so close probably coz we were the only ones having the same work problem. there were so many old tais down there back then. no one can understand what we were thinking. from work problem to personal ones.

we had so much fun wen we were younger and single. watched the movies at 11am!! had breakfast together, just the 2 of us. cried infront of him. spilled drinks with him. we did a lot of things together. the plus point is he can understand a girl's feelings and gossiping with him was so much fun.

yes, we had our fights now and then. he was irritating. esp with him so lovey-dovey. but deep inside, we noe we are always friends.

now that he has left. i have no guy to gossip with. no one noes my exact feelings. im sad. feel like crying. but the guys were there. have to show my ego too :) back home, i cried. with all the things u mentioned. i noe i can survive without u around. but i definitely gonna miss u. argueing with u.

thiru, all the best in ur transfer. im so happy u're out of the tiger's mouth. start afresh,dude. take care.

machina is sick. been backfiring for a couple of time. stalled in the middle of the road. very sic. we went to the 1st dr & she was still sic. and reluctantly, we sent her for a thorough check-up where she is warded now. we knew dats what gonna happen!!

hopefully she'll be totally fine by the time she comes back. then, we gonna make her show us her full performance. baby, pls, we need u...its sad to see darl being away from his 2nd 'wife'

actually, didnt feel like penning dis entry coz been 'bz' with the new role & didnt had chance to spare a deep thought for anyone else like i used to. but things are getting squeezy in my mind so just need a medium to let it out.

someone whom i knew back then in sch (we are never close tho), decided to re-enter our lives after M.I.A somewhere during sch time. of course i welcome that friendship with open arms. but not sure what happened to her. she decided to leave our lives again...she delete us from her list. she delete her comments/ testimonials for us. she went M.I.A in the real & cyber world again.... if u are reading this, pls wake up from ur nonsense idea & just tell us what actually ur problem is. and let me refresh u, hunney & i got nothing to do with whatever nonsense u have planned or done for to anyone else. so i dont think we deserve this from u.

nwae, if there's no improvement to that friendship, i couldnt care less. have more things in mind to think abt. but im always open for discussion.

6mths into marriage: a lot of issues to handle. feeling that pressure & heat of marriage life.

2mths into mariage: feeling lost. soul searching. want the old life back.

hey, whats happening there??? not sure. but alhamdullilah for me, i am still honeymoon-ing for now. and like they advice me, enjoy while it last. i am. hopefully for a longer period.

he comes late. he wants to go back early. and start pushing his shit to others. so disappointed with someone his position. betol nye tak guna. menyampah!

karaoke. felt satisfied. but i want more. to let out whatever balance in me that has been dormant. barbie, ape lagi?? gua mau headbang ah..bukan s-club 7 eh! hahah

the 8th yr is coming. all ideas used up. but since we're newlyweds, have to squeeze my rusty brain-juice out for something sweet. darl, i just want a nice dinner at carousel :)

-a black&white brolly with frills ala English Lady(with UV protection)

-a cute luggage tag that says-DONT TOUCH! in hawt hawt Pynk!

those are part of the prezzie u got?! my gosh...! u're worse den me!! hahha..jelez siak! cant help it but to blog to the world my bestie got those for her bday! nxt time, kluar dgn aku, bwk ok...aku pon nak feeling2 victorian..wahahhahah

call me soon. bitching time!